Date: September 6, 2023
From: Tony Riddle, PhD
To: Brianna Wexler
Brianna,
Let’s meet tomorrow to review your ideas for your senior capstone. My office hours on Thursday are 12:00 to 2:30 pm. I understand you have an interest in German literature. While we no longer teach German, or really any foreign languages anymore since the college voted to do away with the foreign language requirement, I would receive your ideas with enthusiasm, I’m sure.
Best,
Dr. Riddle
Department of Language, Literature, Culture & Writing
Alexander State College
Date: September 11, 2023
From: Tony Riddle, PhD
To: Nicolette Reardon
Dear Nicolette,
This is to inform you as Interim Department Chair that I am filing my promotion papers in anticipation of a book contract. In the words of poet Carl Sandburg, this could be my “One little wondering western star, / Thrust out from the changing shores of shadows” (14–15).
Here’s my research idea: Goethe as an antisemite. Sure, there have been rumors, but I could conduct research in the archives over the summer and write a groundbreaking article, which could then be used, perhaps, as the basis of a monograph. I’ve already spoken with a pal at Palgrave Macmillan, and he’d be interested in taking a look.
I’m sure you’ll agree that giving our department another publication plume would be a great way to join the tenured rank.
As always, please let me know your thoughts.
Best,
Tony
Date: September 13, 2023
From: Brianna Wexler
To: Nicolette Reardon
Dear Dr. Reardon,
According to class notes posted on Canvas, I understand Dr. Riddle announced in his Introduction to World Literature seminar yesterday that he is researching and writing about Goethe as an antisemite. That was my idea for my capstone, and he turned it down when he and I met last week.
I am shocked by this and have contacted the college’s Ethics Committee.
The situation with Dr. Riddle affects other areas of my academic work. I now need another capstone advisor since it’s clear I can no longer work with Dr. Riddle. Further, I will have to withdraw from my other class with him, Twentieth-Century Continental Novels. My graduation date may now be at risk.
Please advise how to proceed.
Sincerely,
Brianna Wexner ’24 (maybe)
Editor, Phaedra, the Alexander State College Literary Magazine
Date: September 20, 2023
From: Nicolette Reardon
To: Tony Riddle, PhD
Dear Tony,
Great idea for a book project, but I’m hearing rumbles from a student named Brianna Wexler that the idea you wrote me about came after her meeting with you. Come by my office and let’s discuss. I’m buried, but we should talk.
Nicolette
Date: September 27, 2023
From: Nicolette Reardon
To: Brianna Wexler
Dear Brianna,
Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. I can assure you I take your claim seriously and will discuss with Dr. Riddle and the Ethics Committee.
In the meantime, I suggest you contact Dr. Alvina Wang about your capstone. While she is not an expert in German literature (who is anymore, really?), she can help shape your proposal and your plan. Perhaps you can find a reader who has more subject matter expertise.
I also suggest, since the semester has already started, that you withdraw from Continental and consider a late-start course, perhaps ENG 2300 Technical Writing.
Dr. Nicolette Reardon, Interim Chair
Department of Language, Literature, Culture, & Writing
Date: September 27, 2023
From: Brianna Wexler
To: Paul Wexler
Dad, I may need your legal help. This idiot prof of mine stole my capstone idea and now he’s claiming it’s his. I’ve already contacted the head of what used to be the English department and also the Ethics Committee. Do you have anyone on your team who handles this kind of intellectual property? Can they work pro bono since it’s your firm?
Love to you and Mom!
Bri
Date: October 4, 2023
From: Tony Riddle, PhD
To: Fred Hellman, Literature Editor, Palgrave Macmillan
Dear Fred,
It’s been years since we sat together in that freezing cold conference room for our reading seminar. I hope all is well.
I’m writing you today because I have this idea for a monograph about Goethe as an antisemite. I could bring in Freud, the Frankfurt School, especially your old heroes Adorno and Benjamin, and the crew of Derrida and Foucault. And who’s the other guy? Oh, yeah, Bourdieu. I can pull down the proposal guidelines from your website, but I thought I should write and share the idea with you first.
What do you think?
For auld time’s sake,
Tony
Date: October 4, 2023
From: Noreply@palgraveMacmillan.com
To: Tony Riddle, PhD
Re: Automatic reply
The person you have emailed is no longer with the company.
Date: October 5, 2023
From: Brianna Wexler
To: Nicolette Reardon, PhD
Dear Dr. Reardon,
I tried to see you, a few times actually, during your posted office hours, but you didn’t seem to be in your office.
I’m not against taking a late-start course, but the one you recommended is 2000-level, and I need a 4000-level course. Would it be possible to take a 4000-level course in the non-traditional adult curriculum? I could take ENG 4210 Contemporary Feminist Writing which starts in Week 8.
Please let me know.
Sincerely,
Brianna Wexler, ’24 (hopefully)
Date: October 19, 2023
From: Nicolette Reardon, PhD
To: Brianna Wexler
Brianna,
I’m swamped right now with all this administrative work they don’t really train us for. Let’s meet soon and discuss.
Dr. Reardon
Date: October 19, 2023
From: Brianna Wexler
To: Lavinia Strong, Gregory Hamilton, Registrar
Dear Dr. Strong and Registrar,
I would like to register for your course, ENG 4210 in the ASC Online program.
Please let me know the necessary steps to make this happen. I need this course to graduate on time, and I know how important it is to the college that we complete our degrees.
Sincerely,
Brianna Wexler, ’24 (persistently)
Date: October 19, 2023
From: Registrar
To: Brianna Wexler
Re: Confirmation of Registration for ENG 4210
Dear Brianna Wexler,
You have successfully registered for the Spring B semester in the ASC Online Program.
Course: ENG 4210 Contemporary Feminist Writing
Start Date: October 23, 2023
Please check the B&N Bookstore for required texts.
Gregory Hamilton, Registrar
Date: October 23, 2023
From: Tony Riddle, PhD
To: Kathy Pringle, Willowbrook Community College
Hey, Kathy,
Is Fred still at Palgrave Macmillan? I can’t seem to locate him.
Hope all is well with you and yours. We have to get together sometime!
Tootle-loo,
Tony
Date: October 23, 2023
From: Kathy Pringle, Community College
To: Tony Riddle, PhD
Tony,
What a surprise to hear from you! What’s it been, ten years?
Fred died last year. Heart attack. It was announced in the alumni newsletter. Very sad.
Best,
KP
Date: October 23, 2023
From: Elwood Stark, Ethics Committee
To: Tony Riddle, PhD
Cc: Nicolette Reardon, Patricia Small, Legal
Tony and Nicolette,
As you know, we have received a complaint from senior Brianna Wexler. You are well aware that we on the Ethics Committee typically deal with issues of ethics as they apply to the pursuit of research and the application of ethical methods for subject recruitment, etc. Institutional Review Board matters.
We may have to turn this over to the Legal Department (copied here). We would like to avoid any serious repercussions for the college.
Ms. Wexler has secured representation in intellectual property and copyright law.
I hope we can all work this out amicably without damaging any party.
October 24, 2023
From: Tony Riddle, PhD
To: Betsy Riddle
Bets,
I know we’re not on the best terms since the divorce. I’m sorry I broke the lock on your file cabinet and, ahem, removed your folder of notes on anything literary. Well, sorrier since you noticed the files were missing. But, Bets, isn’t it more important that we made coffee together in the morning than achieving success in the academy that hasn’t evolved in five hundred (or is it 500 according to MLA?)?
But I need your help. I’ve got a student who claims I stole her capstone idea. Can you imagine the hubris of that claim?
Anyway, do you think I should get a lawyer?
Tony, Keurig Master
Date: October 24, 2023
To: Tony Riddle, PhD
From: Betsy Riddle
Tony,
Don’t you think you should be using your personal email at this point and not the college’s?
You made the divorce messy by going after my 401K that in no way belonged to you. Just because I got tenure before you. Just because I have at least three articles in academic journals each year. Just because I am the professor you can only hope to be.
I believe you did steal your student’s idea, you plagiaristic bastard. Do your own work for once. Don’t think I don’t know you stole my processual intention argument for your own subversive purposes. I’m glad your MLA article didn’t pass peer review a couple of years ago.
Yes, you will need a lawyer. You should probably also talk to your AFT rep.
I’m blocking you.
Betsy (only my friends get to call me Bets)
Date: October 24, 2023
From: Anthony Riddle
To: Kathy Pringle
Happy United Nations Day!
So, let’s plan to meet at the Golden Arches on Rt. 30 next Wednesday. 6 pm?
Tony
Date: October 24, 2023
From: Kathy Pringle
To: Anthony Riddle
You’re kidding, right?
You never even thanked Fred for handing over his notes from comps. You never thanked Karen for doing your dissertation research while she was in Germany that summer while you hung out on the beach. Do you even read German?
And we all know what you did to your own wife’s work on processual intention.
We are not getting together.
Date: October 25, 2023
From: Tony Riddle, PhD
To: Brianna Wexler
Dear Ms. Wexler,
I would like to speak with you concerning this little matter. Please respond with your availability.
Regards,
Dr. Riddle
Date: October 25, 2023
From: Paul Wexler, Esq.
To: Tom Pope
Dear Tom,
Can’t wait to see you and the other trustees at the annual ASC Golf Outing & Fundraiser again! I need redemption for last year’s game.
Glad to hear construction is nearly finished for the Wexler Auditorium.
By the way, my daughter is having trouble with one of her professors. She claims he appropriated her capstone idea. While the issue is being worked through with the department and the Ethics Committee, I wonder what your perspective is. Can we chat on the green?
Best regards,
PW
Date: October 30, 2023
From: Tom Pope
To: Paul Wexler, Esq.
Dear Paul,
Nice job on that ninth hole! Let me see what I can do about this issue with other board trustees. My understanding is that students would be hard pressed to prove their cases. But since you’re a trusted legal professional and have given so generously to this institution, I trust what you’re saying.
See you on the green!
Tom
Date: October 30, 2023
From: Paul Wexler, Esq.
To: Brianna Wexler
Bri,
I’ll get it all straightened out. You should have no problem with this professor.
Love,
Dad
Date: November 1, 2023
From: Brianna Wexler
To: Paul Wexler, Esq.
No, Dad, please don’t! I know I came running to you, but I’ve had more time to think now. I’ll handle things by myself. The last thing I want is to be seen as some trust-fund kid who runs to Daddy when she’s in trouble. I know now I should’ve come to you with a solution rather than a problem.
BTW, I’m not going on the Caribbean cruise with you and Mom over winter break. I’ve made arrangements to go to Frankfurt and stay with the host family I was with last year during my Junior Year Abroad. I can do research in Goethe’s hometown for my capstone. Exciting, right? Would you believe my roommate told me I should do my study on Taylor Swift? It’s a thought.
Ta-ta,
Bri
Date: November 10, 2023
From: Elmwood Stark, Ethics Committee
To: Tony Riddle, PhD
Cc: Patricia Small, Legal; Nicolette Reardon; Martin Mayfield, DEI
Dear Tony,
Thank you for sharing with us your side of the story. However, we’ve also spoken with Ms. Wexler and her attorney. Please note that Ms. Wexler’s father is a major donor to this institution (e.g., The Wexler Gallery).
Expect a communication from the Dean of Humanities soon.
Best,
Elwood Stark
Date: November 15, 2023
From: Robert Mittelman, Dean
To: Tony Riddle, PhD
Cc: Nicolette Reardon; Albert Booker, AFT President
Dear Dr. Riddle,
This is advanced notice that your contract with Alexander State College will terminate on December 31. You will receive a formal letter through the US Postal Service. You may continue to use your college email until June 30 of this academic year.
A security officer will meet you in your office tomorrow at 9:00 am.
Thank you for your service. We wish you the best.
Cheers,
Dr. Robert Mittelman, Dean, Humanities & Social Sciences
Date: November 15, 2023
From: Anthony Riddle
To: (undisclosed recipients)
Scheiße auf die Akademie. Scheiße auf die Studenten (courtesy of Google Translate).
Date: December 1, 2023
From: Tony Riddle, PhD
To: Coastal College Selection Committee Members
Re: Visiting Professor Opportunity
I am writing to apply for your posted Visiting Professor position in the Chronicle of Higher Education. I have uploaded all required documents into Interfolio as specified: Statement of Teaching Philosophy, Statement of Research Interests, and Curriculum Vita.
Best regards,
Anthony Riddle
Date: February 15, 2024
From: Tony Riddle, PhD
To: Nicole Reardon
Re: Interfolio Reminder
Nicole,
I heard through the grapevine that you’ve been appointed the new chair of the department for the next three years. Congrats!
Just to let you know my Interfolio application outside the state university system awaits your recommendation.
Thanks,
Tony
Date: February 20, 2024
From: Midwestern University VAP Search Committee
To: Anthony Riddle
Dear Anthony <last name>,
As chair of the search committee to fill the Visiting Assistant Professor of Comparative Literature position that was advertised by Coastal College’s Department of English, I am writing to let you know that your application has been received and that members of the committee have reviewed it. I regret to inform you that we will not be pursuing your candidacy further, because we have determined that you do not sufficiently match the requirements of the position as outlined in our job description.
Thank you for applying to Midwestern University for a faculty position. I wish you the best in your job search.
Sincerely,
Adrian Blather
Associate Professor, English
Search Committee Chair
Date: March 6, 2024
From: Academic Therapy Associates
To: Anthony Riddle
Dear Dr. Riddle,
This is to confirm your appointment with one of our therapists specializing in helping those (formerly) employed in higher education transition to new and satisfying positions. Please fill out the attached paperwork and bring it with you to your appointment. We look forward to seeing you.
Date: May 1, 2024
From: Robert Mittelman, Dean
To: Brianna Wexler
Dear Brianna Wexler,
Congratulations on winning the Dean of Humanities Award for your senior capstone, “Tortured: Goethe’s The Sorrows of Young Werther as Pretext for Taylor Swift’s ‘Tortured Poet.’” I understand an article version of this essay has already been accepted for publication by Comparative Literature and Culture.
The awards ceremony will take place in the new Wexler Auditorium on Wednesday, June 16, 6:00 pm. You will receive an RSVP form in the US mail to your college mailbox.
Best,
Dr. Robert Mittelman
Date: July 1, 2024
From: Walmart Store #345 Human Resources
To: Anthony Riddle
Dear Anthony,
Congratulations and welcome to Walmart! We’re so delighted to bring you on as a Store #345 Greeter! Your orientation takes place at the store a week prior to your start date, July 15. In this training you will become familiar with all facets of the position that go well beyond simply saying hello to each customer. While in training, you will also meet with Human Resources to complete all necessary paperwork for onboarding. Further, you will be matched with a senior greeter whom you’ll shadow for the first two weeks.
We welcome you to the Walmart family!
Sincerely,
Lucille Schroeder